Bride-Kidnapping Pushed a 12-Year-Old Girl into Darkness Desperate to Flee Her Living Nightmare
“Why are you taking me away? We have just met once!” the girl struggled, trying to push the boy away.
“Once you enter my house, you will be my wife! I already have your parents’ consent so don’t resist!” the boy dragged the girl onto his motorbike and returned home.
Bride-kidnapping is a prevalent traditional practice in Vietnam and as the name suggests, it is in fact an act of abduction. The girls are kidnapped before reaching adulthood, leaving families, friends, and school lives behind, are they willing to give up all these?
Marriage with Consent? Bride-kidnapping is a Nightmare for Many Girls in Vietnam
Bride-kidnapping is a traditional practice among Hmong people in Vietnam, it involves using violence and threat to establish a marital relationship. A man can capture the girl he likes and take her home. If she fails to escape, the man will then formally propose to the girl’s family and the marriage will be completed. While one cannot rule out that some couples are really in love with each other and the act of “kidnapping” is just for ritual, in reality, this practice is an illegal action. Unfortunately, the kidnapper would not be condemned by the local society and the victim often accedes to the arrangement to avoid bringing humiliation to herself and her family, unwillingly handing over her future to the “husband”. Not even reaching 18, they are burdened with endless household chores, pregnancy and taking care of the babies. They have to let go of their studies and leave their families and friends. Is this really the future they have imagined for themselves?
With Parents’ Consent, Girl Unwillingly Married the Boy She Met Once Only
The conversation at the beginning of this article is not made up, it actually happened in real life. Dani (*pseudonym for protection) grew up in a Hmong family from Hà Giang, Vietnam. During her childhood, she was happy to study and learn in school and explore the things around her. When she was 12, she met a boy at a New Year celebration event, thinking that love was just around the corner. For several months afterwards, they chatted on social media and Dani started falling in love. However, all fancy was destroyed when they met again one day in August. While Dani was out shopping with friends, she was happy as she saw the boy but his next move scared her. The boy suddenly grabbed her mobile phone and dragged her onto his motorbike, taking Dani to his home and forcing her to become his wife. Dani was petrified knowing her future was doomed.
Some say bride-kidnapping is the end of childhood. As a wife, Dani had to give up her studies. Every day, she put up with never-ending household chores and all sorts of abuses.
Realising that her parents had agreed and received the bride price, Dani was devastated. She had not heard of bride-kidnapping before, and now all she could do was to accept her fate and stay in the boy’s home. During the next four months, not only did she wake up at 4 am every day for chores and farm work, but she also had to endure verbal and physical abuse from her husband and his family. In those painful days and nights, Dani missed her friends and school so much that she decided to escape and go back to her parents. Yet, what welcomed her were criticism and ridicule as running away brought shame to her family!
Never Regretted Her Decision to Escape, Became the Symbol of Hope Among Her Peers
Dani was heartbroken watching how her parents reacted but she refused to give in. After three failed attempts, Dani tried again by fleeing into the deep wood. For the next 10 hours, she walked 20km to her grandma’s house and asked for help. Even though she was exhausted, when her parents became aware of her situation, they still demanded Dani to return to her husband. After several heated arguments, Dani’s parents eventually backed down and returned part of the bride price to the boy’s family. Against all odds, Dani was finally free and shook off her label as someone’s “wife”. Yet, even when Dani was back to school, there were ruthless mocking and denunciation around her but she never regretted her decision to escape. With the support and encouragement from teachers, she gradually regained her self-esteem and the government officials often persuaded Dani’s parents, friends and the community to embrace her decision. The community also learned more about the consequences of child, early and forced marriage through education. By changing people’s perception of bride-kidnapping from the root, girls are empowered to create the bright future they want.
“At school, I saw many of my classmates struggle because of child marriage. As a victim, I don’t want other girls to experience bride-kidnapping like me!” Dani began taking part in Plan International’s awareness-raising efforts against child marriage, through street theatre, music performances and making short films using smartphones, actively boosting the community’s determination to end child marriage and protect girls from sexual violence. Dani has transformed herself from a victim of child marriage to an aspiring mentor, filling girls’ futures with hope and making every moment of her hard-fought future count.
“Now I focus on my studies and wish to learn a foreign language; in the upcoming days, I hope to find a good job and get rid of poverty, supporting myself and my family.”
In the Northern Midlands and mountainous areas of Vietnam, 19% of women aged 20-49 were married before the age of 18. In Hà Giang, a city located in the northern part of Vietnam, due to the prevalence of bride-kidnapping, many girls become child brides before reaching adulthood and have to let go of studies and promising futures. Plan International’s “Time to Act! Support Youth Activism to Eliminate Child, Early, and Forced Marriage in Vietnam” project enhances the community’s understanding of the harmful impacts that child, early, and forced marriage bring to girls through community education programmes while motivating youth to lead in eliminating child, early, and forced marriage. From July 2021 to June 2023, the project benefitted 1,088 girls and boys aged 10-18, building their confidence and improving their knowledge and skills including communication ability through training so that they are capable of conducting community interviews, making short films, and dramas to show the consequences of early marriage in their communities and encourage girls to build their future with self-autonomy.
At present, due to natural disasters, conflicts and worsening climate crises, families in poverty have taken the heavy blow and many girls are living under the threat of child marriage. You can help eliminate child marriage by supporting Plan International’s anti-child marriage projects and rewriting girls’ futures together.
With HK$8/day, you can sponsor a girl and help girls embrace brighter futures!
One-off donation to support Plan International’s efforts in eliminating child marriage.
